I am not a small pregnant person and I’m okay with that. Someone like me will never grace the cover of Fit Pregnancy. At seven months, most maternity tops don’t quite make it to my waistband.
I understand that I am a short woman with a giant belly. I expect people to stare at me sometimes, particularly very young children who wonder what on earth I ate to end up with a midsection so bulbous. I call it the clown car effect. How could so much baby fit in such a small space?
That being said, I’ve been surprised by the onslaught of fairly rude things people say to me. I realize that intentions are mostly good, but I assume that these same people would never make similar comments to an overweight woman who was not pregnant. Given the daily stream of “helpful” advice and comments, I thought that perhaps a public announcement was in order.
So for the sake of largely pregnant women everywhere, here are some comments I highly recommend you never make to a pregnant woman. I have carefully chosen only those I hear most frequently. There are many more, but these tend to be the popular favorites… Yes, really.
5. Concerned citizen: “How far along are you?”
Me: “6 months.”
Concerned citizen: “WOAH! Really?! Looks more like 10 months to me!”
Please note that the hugely pregnant woman with the hardest three months left knows just how big she is already. Also, math. That is all.
4. Concerned citizen: “Any day now, huh?”
Me: “Well, actually I still have three months left.”
Concerned citizen: “Are you sure?”
Me: “Yes, I’m sure.”
Concerned citizen: “I can’t believe it! There must be some mistake!”
No, lady, no mistake. Three ultrasounds, my doctor, and a pretty good record of my periods all produced the exact same due date. Glad to know you’re looking out for me, though.
3. Concerned citizen: “Are you having twins?”
Concerned citizen: “Are you sure? You really look like you’re having twins.”
Concerned citizen: “It’s just, you look like there must be more than one in there!”
Just keep digging that hole, at some point you’ll be deep enough I won’t have to listen to you anymore.
2. Concerned citizen: “I can’t believe you’re only six months pregnant. My best friend/sister/daughter is having her baby any day now and she’s smaller than you are!”
I struggle to respond to this one in particular. Do I congratulate her friend/sister/daughter? Do I cry? Pretend someone is calling me? No clue.
1. Me: “Since it’s a second baby and a boy, he’s larger than my daughter was. This is just kinda how it goes.”
Concerned citizen: “Maybe you should stop eating so much.”
Me: “I’m not sure that’s going to make much difference at this point.”
Concerned citizen: “Well, you could try!”
I may not be able to run after you, but I still have teeth. Go on, take the food away from the starving pregnant woman. Let’s see how well that goes for you.